A couple of months ago I was worried that this blog had become too Aliens-centric; now I’m worried that it’s become too Prometheus-focused. Oh wait, Prometheus is in the same extended universe as Aliens, so I guess the blog is still caught in an Aliens loop. Oh well, with a name like Xenomorphosis, you really can’t fault me for spreading too much Aliens love. Today’s product review was way too enticing to pass up. We’re talking about a giant tentacle alien action figure that comes with a detachable “appendage” that’s expressly meant to orally rape a second action figure. Sorry if that sentence was a bit of a mouthful. Seriously though, the fact that this exists baffles me. This figure set would be right at home in some sleazy back alley erotic figure shop in Akihabara. Erotic figure shops: they probably exist.
Perhaps even more baffling than the fact that this exists, is that it was a Toys”R”Us exclusive. Yeah, you read that right. While shopping for baby clothes at Babies”R”Us, you might as well pick up an alien rape toy before making your way to the cash. The second I saw this set announced, I knew I had to have it, and that it needed a write-up on this site. Because it was an American-only exclusive, it took some clever planning and some help from a few friends to get this exotic import delivered to my apartment in the far North (Canada). A friend of mine’s girlfriend happened to be planning a visit to Ottawa from the States. She was gracious enough to allow me to have this monstrosity shipped to her dorm, and to then risk bringing it across the border. This thing is basically a creepy sex toy, so it must have taken some real bravery on her part to involve herself in my scheme. To add insult to injury, she lives in an all-girl dorm, and apparently the set got its fair share of creeped out stares as it lingered in her room before her visit North.
In all seriousness, this is a pretty cool set. I just couldn’t resist poking some fun at the nature of it. I tease because I love. As I mentioned earlier, this set comes with two figures: a “battle damaged” engineer, and a trilobite. Just to refresh your memory, the trilobite was the large tentacle alien that impregnated the engineer at the end of the film. This set was specifically created to reenact that scene. As far as I can remember, the term trilobite isn’t actually mentioned in the film. According to Prometheus: The Art of the Film, the name trilobite was coined because the creature was partly influenced by the appearance of actual trilobites.
Trilobite vs. Engineer (Battle Damaged)
Release Date: November, 2012
Height: 8.5″ (Engineer), 17″ (Trilobite)
As with NECA‘s pressure suit engineer figure, these figures are incredibly detailed. Aside from some minor changes, the engineer is nearly identical to the aforementioned pressure suit engineer figure that was released in September. The hands are flexed differently, there’s some burn damage on the upper chest and face, the mouth is open rather than closed, and the paint job is slightly darker. Other than that, you’re looking at the same figure. For whatever reason, the engineer feels sturdier this time around, but it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly why. Perhaps it’s because the joints seem less stiff. As with last time, the figure isn’t very posable, but in its defense, it’s really only meant to assume one position. The burn damage and open mouth serve to accentuate NECA‘s craftmanship: each individual tooth is independently sculpted, and the scar tissue is rendered in minute detail. As I’ll explain shortly, the mouth is open for a reason…
The trilobite figure is pretty interesting. From a distance it looks like a giant spider, but it has 7 large tentacles rather than 8 arms. The top of its body looks somewhat like an actual trilobite fossil. The underside of its body is the most interesting part. There are 6 petal-like protrusions that give the impression of the opening of a flower. Jutting from the petals are 6 whisker-like feelers. Although the figure looks like it’s fairly posable, in practice it really isn’t. The large tentacles are bendable, but they can’t be permanently bent into a new position. This seems like a big missed opportunity, because the figure could have been infinitely posable. In addition, the large tentacles are prone to dislodging from their sockets when you attempt to bend them. Luckily they fit back into place with ease. The overall detail is adequate, but not as impressive as the engineer. That being said, I’m probably just being nit picky, because the trilobite is inherently less detailed than the engineer.
I’ve saved the best for last. When looking at the packaging for this set, there are three separate parts: the engineer, the trilobite, and a long detachable “member”. This member/penis can easily be bent into any shape. No curve is too nimble for this knob. If only the tentacles had been fashioned from the same material. One end of the penis fits into a groove in the underside of the trilobite. I can only imagine that it comes separately to avoid potential outrage from the parents of the one or two kids who chose to buy this sex trap from Toys”R”Us. Fear not, the head of the member fits snugly into the mouth of the engineer. Remember how I mentioned that the mouth is open for a reason? Yeah… To be fair, this set does re-enact an actual scene from the movie, so it’s not as if NECA was responsible for imagining this exotic display of affection between man and alien. That being said, I don’t specifically remember the penis looking so much like a penis in the film. Call it creative license, but the detachable sex object actually has a circumcised tip. As my roommate put it: “I don’t remember that level of detail in the movie…”
So, should you buy this perverse package? There are a probably a couple other people on the planet who will find this set as funny and appealing as I do. Like I said, the moment I saw this advertised, I knew I had to have it. Anyone who buys this will know exactly what they’re in for. You get a near perfect re-creation of the trilobite/engineer scene from the movie, so if that sounds interesting, don’t hesitate to make this purchase. As with anything from NECA, the figures aren’t flawless, but they’re pretty decent. Plus, I’m sure this will become extremely collectible, so if you’re smart, you’ll buy several copies and keep them in the packaging. Personally, I sacrificed my retirement income by opening the box to take some photos for you, my readers. Oh well.
As promised, I will one day return to Alien Rip-Offs in Film. Until then, please join the facebook page. I try to post a fair bit of sci-fi horror/sci-fi military news items, so it’s really the go-to place for random news posts that don’t merit a blog post.
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